When an Angel Deserves to Die
by silverwolf000
Summary: Why could you never love me? Why did you always hope for something that I could never be? Why do you want me to love you, the way you have never loved me, Mother?


**A/N: So...this is my new one shot. I'm not really sure if it came out the way I wanted it to, but I think I've done all I can with it. Hope you enjoy!**

**Song: Room of Angel by Akira Yamoaka**

**When an Angel Deserves to Die**

I sat outside the hospital room. I didn't want to go in; not yet. I didn't want to see her.

I looked up at my Dad. He tried not to show how worried he was. I knew he still loved her; he had never stopped.

Takeru sat beside me, silent tears running down his face. He didn't want her to go. She had always been there for him.

The doctor appeared instantly before us, a grim expression on his face.

"You can go in to see her now," the doctor told us quietly, "but I'm afraid there is nothing else we can do."

Those words, they were supposed to stab at my heart; make me feel as if I was about to lose one of the most important things in my life. But they didn't. Those words meant nothing to me. Takeru had started to sob, his head cradled in his hands.

A sob caught in my Dad's throat, before nodding at the doctor and looking towards the door where she was kept. He looked solemnly over at me, expecting me to break down and cry, but I didn't. I couldn't.

_You lie, silent there before me._

I stared down at her, looking at her frail body, the tubes encircling her body. She didn't look like the person I remembered.

_Your tears, they mean nothing to me,_

The tears were for me. The hurt she caused me. How she despised what she had done to me, regretted her actions. She wanted me to love her. She wanted to try; but she was too late. And she knew it.

_But now, there's nothing you can do._

How could I love her? She left me. She never wanted to see me. I wasn't the happy-go-lucky kid Takeru was. I was a moody, dark teenager, ready to inflict her son with dark thoughts, bad habits; turn him into me. She never loved me. I was an accident; the mistake. Takeru was the only son she ever wanted.

_So sleep, in your only memory  
Of me, my dearest mother..._

She motioned for me to come over to her. I saw the sorrow in her eyes, and I felt a small tug at my heart. I slowly walked over to her bedside. Takeru had taken the seat on the opposite side of her bed, whilst Dad stood at the doorway.

I looked down at her as she took my hand. She was so cold; her hold on my hand so weak that I knew she wasn't going to last the night. She tugged lightly on my hand, signalling to come a little closer to her. Her breath tickled my ear.

"Sing for me." The words were so quiet, I nearly missed them. I looked down into her tear filled eyes, wishing she would hurry up and go, leave me here to forget about her.

But I sang to her, sang to her softly. Sang a lullaby my grandmother used to sing to me, the Lullaby my mother should have sang to me.

_  
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.  
Goodbye  
It was always you that I despised.  
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh no  
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,  
Goodbye,_

Takeru started to sob quietly, turned and walked out of the room, Dad hurrying after him. I looked down at her, looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for something. Maybe she was waiting for me to say that I loved her, that I always had. I would never say that, because I didn't, I never loved her.

_Perhaps you're happy without me...  
If I had died I would have never felt sad at all,  
You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'_

I could hear Takeru outside, dad trying to calm him down, saying it was natural that he would feel sad; she was his mother after all. But it wouldn't feel natural for me to cry for her, even if she was my mother, I couldn't cry for her.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.  
Goodbye  
It was always you that I despised.  
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh no  
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,  
Goodbye,_

Her hand started to become limp. It started to slip out of mine, falling lightly onto the white covers of the bed. She was gone.

However, I didn't stop singing. I couldn't. I felt compelled to keep on singing to her, even though she would never hear my voice again. I stood up, looking down at her. She looked beautiful; her golden hair that both Takeru and I had inherited was spread around her head, lying flatly on the pillow; her pale skin seemed to shine in the overhead lights; her lips were slightly pink, losing their deep red colour I remember they used to hold. She looked like an angel.

An angel - something my mother had never been to me.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.  
It was always you that I despised_

_Goodbye_


End file.
